Deaf girl dating

Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell so I'll keep it short. As some of you may know, I'm back on the dating scene and went on my first date in 3 years! - I know, jeez! So it's safe to say, I was absolutely crapping myself. It wasn't the normal things like "what do I wear?" And "what do I say?". But instead it was "how is he going to react about the fact that I am dependant on hearing aids?"

Well, he didn't care at all! He just questioned why would he care? 

So, all that worry for nothing! Eh?

Dating and deafness is a taboo subject in my eyes, so I wanted everyone to see, we have feelings too! We're the same as any ordinary person! Obviously to date a deaf person/Hearing impaired you need to have a lot of patience and understanding which is what I told this guy yesterday. Obviously I was worried because he has a very outgoing lifestyle and I was dreading the thought of keeping up with that when I can't hear half the time! (Noisy pubs etc) We'll see what happens with that....

ANYWAY, it is important that you are not ashamed and you are upfront and honest. The first date location is extremely important because that's where you judge with first impressions. In my case, I chose a quiet pub and we sat outside where there was no one about... Except the occasional DRILL... But I won't go into how annoying that was!

When you tell a girl or guy that you are deaf, if you are worried about how they will react or worried it will make things awkward.. Don't be! I laughed it off by saying "I don't have the hearing of a dog ... But I'm quite a cool person!" And "I'm not staring at your lips lovingly, just lip reading!" That is the best way to approach things!! And what happened? I felt so much better and he joked back.

So my tip for today: never be ashamed and just be yourself... You'd be surprised most of the time they're ok with it! :-) 

Back on the dating scene...

So, as it goes.. I have a 'kind of date' tomorrow. It's safe to say, I'm actually really nervous! It's been 3 years I think since I've done this. I am hoping that I've chosen a quiet enough place to go (pub) I've been there before on a Wednesday lunch time and it was DEAD... Perfect! So I'm hoping it will be dead tomorrow so I can hear! 

The reason why I've called it a 'kind of date' is because this guy wants to get to know me and see what I'm like and make some judgements about me and decide whether I'm good enough for him! This makes me hugely nervous because I've also got to tell him about my deafness. I'm actually really worried about how he is going to react! At the moment im thinking of all of the worst case scenarios such as: "what if I don't hear him?!". I'm not worried about normal things such as what to talk about and what to wear! All I'm worried about is hearing the damn guy! 

Can anyone relate or offer me some tips?! I'm a bit rusty!

Accessibility To Public Services

I was just having a moment of thinking and this wonderful thought popping into my head.
Wouldn't it be lovely if society was inclusive? 
Sadly, this will never be the case as not all people in society are willing to be inclusive (my opinion) and lack of awareness in general.
I am very passionate about raising awareness because I want to educate society of the effects of hearing loss. I want them to realise how this negatively impacts on someone like myself if society was not inclusive or supportive and welcoming to their services etc.

One thing that has played on my mind lately is the accessibility to cinema services (subtitled). I have visited my local cinema in town and I asked the nice lady at the desk whether the cinema had viewings for subtitled films.
They didn't.
This was after I approached my local Cineworld about subtitled films and was let down by them. It is such a shame because I absolutely love going to the Cinema and watching all the new releases, such as 'Fifty Shades of Grey 'or 'Run All Night' which are new films that I wanted to see. I was told by Cineworld to check back on the website on Thursday as they told me that they may add some subtitle screenings. It is now Friday and I checked back once again and to my horror, only TWO films were subtitled! (I ticked 'Subtitled' in the screening type list on the right hand side).

I don't usually complain about these sort of things and I would usually wait until the DVD releases. But since I have grown up and am aware of the work of Action On Hearing Loss and their campaigns and constant educating, it has made me aware of my rights.
I shouldn't have to 'wait until the DVD releases'. I don't know much about the law and my rights, but one thing I am aware of is that public services need to make 'reasonable adjustments' for people like myself with a disability, otherwise it is classed as discrimination.

I am not saying that the cinema is 'discriminating', (although they are tilting in that direction)  I just think they need a kick up the bum! They know what they need to do, I just feel that they cannot be bothered sometimes. This reflects on most organisations, they know what they need to do to make services inclusive, I just feel sometimes they just 'cannot be bothered' because it means 'extra work load' etc. I have come across this MANY times in my life, high school, University etc.

I intend to fight for my rights, even if that annoys people, it is part of raising awareness. Not everyone is going to be happy about my constant reminding and educating. I feel that I am missing out on a lot and rather than most people expecting me to sit down and be quiet and just 'accept it'.
No, I will NOT do that. I have just as much of a right as everyone else to live my life to the fullest and I damn well will! I have just as much of a right to access services such as cinemas like any other Tom, Dick and Harry in this world.

Public services/organisations  need to make that effort to go the extra mile to be considered 'Inclusive'. Just because you have added in a few ramps here and there, does not mean you are Inclusive. I approached a member of staff last year in my local Cineworld and asked her whether she could tell me any information about accessibility for the hearing impaired. She did not have a clue at all, she said something about providing me with headphones and I must say, this really did humour me! I went into the cinema screening room and thought to myself "Oh well! I will just have to make use of the loop system"... Can you imagine what happened next?
Yep. There was no loop system. I don't know if they were just simply not switched on, or if there was a loop system at all?

I have stopped going to the cinema now, after 5 or 6 visits and no loop system, I decided that I would not bother. That might be one less problem for Cineworld and all the other cinema's in my area. But I feel that I needed to write about this and make people aware. It is part of my 'Goldy Deaf Awareness' campaign to raise awareness. I promised from the beginning that I would speak in complete honesty.

So, back to my original thought, wouldn't it be lovely if society was Inclusive!

Deaf Storyline in Waterloo Road (aired 2012)

So, I have heard a few weeks ago that the TV drama Waterloo Road is coming to an end soon. I was just thinking about all of the storylines over the years and how much I've enjoyed them. But I am not going to be speaking about all of my favourite episodes in this post... it wouldn't seem relevant and might sound a tad BORING!

One of the storylines that I really enjoyed was aired back in 2012 (I think!) It was about a character called Imogen who us viewers soon found out was actually deaf. Back then when the storyline was aired I was very negative about my hearing and at that point I did not tell anyone about my deafness. It was actually this story line that was the turning point in my life. It was the first storyline that I have heard about, which featured a young person with a deafness like myself. I remember watching the TV and I couldn't believe what I was seeing!

It wasn't until the next day at school me and my friends were talking about it and we all couldn't believe it! (They knew about my hearing loss). It was also nice to know that lots of people in my school year also watched Waterloo Road, even the nasty people who took the mick. It made me feel a sense of normality.

Every week when Waterloo Road came on, I was so excited to see how the storyline developed. It was nice to see that her relationship with her new boyfriend blossomed since she told him.

It was a couple of years ago when this was aired and I know it is 3 years on, but I have come a long way since this storyline aired.
I did actually message the BBC a couple of years ago about this story line and wrote them a heartfelt message, but I never received a response. I hope they are aware of how much of a positive impact they have had on my self esteem and my life so far!

I know this post may sound ridiculous and yes, I am aware that Waterloo Road is just a school TV drama. It was just nice to see something that I could relate to, especially as a young girl in high school (at the time).

If you're curious and want to see the scene when the character 'comes out' about her deafness, click on the link below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwtF1qOiQRQ 



No, I don't have 2 heads or 4 eyes... Just hearing aids!

So, I'm sat here in a cafe in my usual spot in the corner during my lunch break at Uni and just thinking "OMG! I can't believe how fast my second year has flown!". I'm half way through my 3 year degree, I absolutely despise studying most of the time! But then again I enjoy it. sometimes... To a certain extent. I like researching for particular topics such as 'Inclusive Practice' etc. Areas that interest me. But I absolutely hate all of the coursework that we are set! Don't get me started on the presentations! -Haha! Nightmare! ... Then again, that's completely normal to feel this way, isn't it? 

Whilst reflecting on student life so far, I'm thinking more about the social aspects of  it all. It hasn't been the greatest experience if I'm honest. Most of the people I have met are so lovely! But I hate to say, it's not as I imagined it. 

I usually have this attitude in my mind: "it's not my problem, it's their problem". But today I know that my hearing is the reason behind people's awkwardness with me (some people). Obviously it's not my fault because as I like to say for a laugh: "I was born this way baby!". But people are so ignorant and narrow minded, I feel sad to say, around 95% of the people I have encounters with are awkward about my deafness. 

I make that mental comparison between how my close friends and family act around me (totally chilled!) and then I think about some of the people whom I am referring to behave... And you can really tell the difference! I would put it down to lack of awareness and understanding.

I strongly feel that people need to be educated about hearing loss. This is why I am raising awareness. I shouldn't be made to feel different! I'm totally normal! If you were to give me a chance, you could see how I am your average 20 year old female. I'm always up for a good old natter and a giggle and I have been told that I have a great sense of humour! (Just me being me!). 

The title of this post reflects on my feelings around those people who are 'awkward' around me. If I don't hear the first time, no worries! Just repeat what you said again! It doesn't bother me... ONLY if you are going to act awkward about it! It's totally unnecessary! I just laugh it off and say to the person what I thought they said (which is wrong almost every time!). Instead, around 95% of the time I get someone looking back at me as if I have 2 heads or 4 eyes (my title). 

My advice for those who are communicating with people like myself: CHILL OUT guys! Give us a chance! I'm not a scary dinosaur! ... I may not have the best hearing in the world, but HEY! I have  so much more to offer! I'm down to earth, I love a laugh etc. 

Bear this in mind. 

Reflecting Back 2 Weeks Ago.

It wasn't a great week for me, as I was told I am NOT moderate-severe, but instead severe and slightly profound. Mainly severe though. I must admit, it did make me feel sick in the stomach! This was not a medical professional who told me, but instead someone who was experienced in this area as she is deaf herself. It was not something that I wanted to hear, but I maintained a brave face and tried to ignore that painful lump in my throat. I kept thinking to myself, "Louise, MAN UP! You are 20 years old, you are not a child anymore!". It wasn't until the subject swiftly moved on to cochlea implants. My Mum knows how I feel about these... (uncomfortable!). I do appreciate how technology has developed over time, but for a person of my age who wants to 'fit in' with the younger generation, it was difficult to feel comfortable with this topic, especially when I felt pressured by the lady to consider an assessment for a cochlea implant.

As you can imagine, I shifted in my seat, also trying to maintain my composure. After a difficult 40 minutes on that topic, she left and I soon ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom for a good hour feeling incredibly numb!

I am still (after 13 years) trying to come to terms with my hearing loss, but I am pleased to say that I am SLOWLY learning to deal with it. I still have a long way to go, but I know one day I will gain confidence as I age. Each day, each year I learn new strategies to deal with my hearing loss and I find ways around things which makes me feel less anxious in certain situations.

Anyway, a couple of days after the meeting with this lady, I admit, I did not feel myself. I felt incredibly low. How could I not know I was severely hearing impaired all this time?! Bearing in mind she was looking at an audiogram that was dated back to 2013. It made me feel sick, but I kept trying to think to myself, I have come so far (passed my GCSE's and A Level exams etc.) and I was not aware that I was severely hearing impaired. After a week I felt almost back to my normal self. It was hard to process the information...I felt so numb afterwards. It felt like I had lost someone/something and was grieving. I found myself crying and feeling emotional at some points. Now I feel almost back to my normal self, I have my moments when I feel really depressed, but I tell myself, I have to keep going!

One thing that really 'got me down' last week was when we did an exhibition as part of our University assignment. Each student had to create a lesson plan for an activity that promotes learning in an area of the National Curriculum. Long story short, we had to present these activities to people who came by to look at our individual exhibition stands. One 3rd year student looked at my stand and asked me a question, as usual I answered her question until she turned away, I did not catch what she was saying (especially as there were lots of us in that area talking, so it was quite noisy!) My note taker who was nearby at the time dropped in to say that I was 'deaf' and the girl pretty much bolted off! She just tensed up and just walked off. Now, I must say, that did upset me a bit.

Firstly I thought "it is her problem not mine", but at the same time I felt embarrassed. Now I just feel angry and upset thinking about it. I am happy that my note taker pitched in, otherwise it would have been very awkward! But it just annoyed me how the girl reacted so immaturely. A mature person perhaps would have been more understanding and apologetic. I guess you can just put it down to 'ignorance' because of the lack of awareness. It motivates me to keep telling people and perhaps maybe next time I could be a bit more relaxed about it? (Easier said than done!)

It certainly was a learning curve for me! I need to 'man up' and not worry about ignorant people like that! There are SOME lovely people out there who are kind, patient  and understanding. It just takes time to find them lovely people! I am lucky to have a few who are like that in my life. It certainly makes me cherish them more! I love them all to pieces!

On another note, I had a support review meeting at Uni last
week (reviewing my support pretty much!) I addressed a couple of issues that I was having: no subtitles in video clips, my need for transcripts, difficulties lip reading the lecturers because they will not stand still etc.) I feel confident that they listened to my problems for the 3rd time round and hope that they will bear these in mind in future. I feel that things are beginning to improve (but I will not speak too soon!). For example, they have given me a contact number for the text phone absence line so I can do something myself (basically meaning I can text them when I am absent, rather than relying on my Mum to call the University for me!) - I will update you all how this goes on my Twitter page which I try and tweet on a daily basis (Goldy Deaf Awareness). 

When referring back to the conversation about the cochlea implants and my level of hearing, I just want to clarify, I am not 'dissing' cochlea implants at all. Like I said, I really do appreciate how much technology has developed over the years. People have differing views on cochlea implants, some choose to have them and others perhaps may not. I appreciate if you could respect my views as they are just how I feel personally as a young person about them. I really love my hearing aids and I have slowly developed in confidence up to the point when I don't mind showing them in public.

Without my hearing aids I would.... well, be deaf! I would not swap my hearing aids for the world! Well, unless there is a miraculous cure that would mean I can regain my hearing towards normal hearing! That would be amazing! - Haha! But I just wanted to clarify to any cochlea implant users out there, I really am not 'dissing' them! Like I said, people view things differently! Who knows? Perhaps one day when I am older I might decide to have one? But not today!

I'm determined to live my life to the fullest! I feel that this has given me a different perspective on life. A very wise person who I spoke to at the time told me that I need to focus on what I have. I must admit this is very true and certainly made me feel more positive! There certainly are some inspiring people out there, deaf and hearing people. One person who particularly inspired me to be proud of myself is a young lady called Molly Watt who is round about my age! She is severely deaf herself but also severely blind (a condition called Usher Syndrome) and I honestly think she is an inspirational person. I am sure life for her is a lot more challenging due to her sight loss, meaning lip reading is incredibly difficult! It made me look at my life in a different way. From what I see in her articles, blog pages etc. she copes brilliantly which I think is amazing! She really is truly inspirational! I wish her the best in life! 

A Poem I Wrote Myself (Based On My Own Personal Experiences)

'Young and Hearing Impaired'

Another world of hearing and feeling free,
Being able to hear the birds in the trees,
The chains from my ears,
They make me feel prisoner,
Locked in a world of isolation and fears,
Oh how I wish I could hear such things,
That might even stop my tears,
When I’m not hearing what the conversation is about,
I know I can’t hear, but theres no need to shout,
Reading lips can be such a pain,
People get annoyed repeating all over again,
I wish that people could understand,
Which is why I’m raising awareness of this terrible loss,
But I’m going to show it who is the boss.