Wednesday 30 March 2016

The blame game

I'm sure as many of you know, I unfortunately suffer mild depression. Most of the reason is because of my severe-profound hearing loss.
I feel like I need to get this down on paper as I just don't have the energy for anymore tears this week.

Lately I've been suffering with a cold which has had a big impact on my hearing, so it doesn't exactly help matters! As you would guess, my hearing hasn't been great lately. Car journeys are harder, life in general if harder all because of this damn cold! I know it will clear up soon, but it's absolute hell for me as it makes things harder for me.

I've noticed lately how some people have got angry and frustrated with me when I haven't heard what they said. As a result I feel even worse about myself, particularly when they say "you're not listening!". Lately I've been particularly miserable because of situations like this. The worst part about it is that it involves a loved one. I know this person probably didn't mean it. But i take it to heart. I feel hopeless and worst thing of all?

I blame myself.

I feel so angry with myself for making these relationships frustrating and making people angry and I just want to blame someone. Right now I just blame myself. Today I had plans, but I'm thinking about cancelling them because I just feel so upset and miserable that I want to stay at home, rather than be a burden to others. I know some people may think I'm being "pathetic". But I don't usually think or behave like this, I just feel let down. 

I'm just putting it down as a 'bad day'.
I'll be back to my old self soon enough. I just feel so vulnerable and anxious all the time because of my cold. It makes me feel so tired :-( 

6 comments:

  1. I completely understand how you feel, as I suffer from mild to moderate hearing loss. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bubble and no one understands. I get so envious of people who can hear well. But we need to stay positive and focus on something other than our hearing.

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    1. Its 10 times worse for me as I'm severe-profound. But its very true, stay positive :-)

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  3. I have severe to profound hearing loss myself and live in the hearing world and at times feels lonely as much as I want a 'normal life' a good hearing day would be great without wondering what have I missed now?. Just come across your post and would like to be in contact with you.

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  4. I have severe to profound hearing loss myself and live in the hearing world and at times feels lonely as much as I want a 'normal life' a good hearing day would be great without wondering what have I missed now?. Just come across your post and would like to be in contact with you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have severe to profound hearing loss myself and live in the hearing world and at times feels lonely as much as I want a 'normal life' a good hearing day would be great without wondering what have I missed now?. Just come across your post and would like to be in contact with you.

    ReplyDelete