Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Friends? What friends?

I was just scrolling on Facebook today when I came across this blog post that the NDCS posted: 
It took me back to my school years when I was 17. At that age I hid my hearing aids and always had my hair down everyday for school. I wanted to be liked and accepted and have lots of friends. Of course I did have lots of friends. It was a good feeling! Although, I didn't feel like I was being myself as I was hiding a vital part of me from all of my lovely friends. 

It wasn't until a few years later I finally decided enough was enough and I needed to be open and be proud about my hearing. I did this, and you know what? As a result, I don't have many friends as what I used to. In fact, I could count my friends on one hand! Yep! It's that bad! 
I used to have lots of friends in school and since going our separate ways and being more open with my deafness and my passionate campaigning, I must admit, it has had a massive impact on my relationship with others. As a result, people have backed away from me. Uni is a good example. I walked in the first day with my hair up and proudly told everyone I was deaf or instead joked "I'm a bit rubbish at hearing so you'll have to bear with me!", in hope that it would make them more comfortable if I lightened the mood. But no. To this day I can say I'm not part of any friendship group because you know what? They rejected me. 
There was me thinking that Uni was a start to make new friends and be myself?! 

Yes, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is also my best friend. He has lots of close friends and is a popular person. I envy him, but I'm not surprised as he's a lovely person with a great personality. 

I wanted to blog this with complete honesty. I'm here to raise awareness of the realities of living with a hearing loss, including the harsh realities. Here it is. Lately I have been feeling a bit lonely. Maybe I'm just going through a blip? 
I know myself I have a lot to offer in a friendship. I'm not boring, I love to have a joke around, I'm caring, loyal, trustworthy. I love making people laugh and hate seeing people sad. People don't realise, there is more to me than this "girl with no personality". I've been rejected most of my life and it's stooped an all time low. 

I've been asking myself lately, am I not good enough for anyone? Am I not worthy enough? Am I really a second class citizen the way I am treated, not an adequate enough human to live a normal human life?

2016 I would like to make some new friends who accept me for me. Where do I start? That's the question.... 


  1. I'm speaking from experience, it is frustrating that some people tend to avoid others who have a disability or something that makes them 'different' in their eyes. They don't give us a chance to show them what we are like. Perhaps they judge and act before thinking twice. I thought along the same lines when I first attended to university. I thought that maybe I'll make a friend or two. Nope, it turns out I didn't. It did bother me first but then I thought I have a small group of people I trust and they care about me very much. That matters. It doesn't matter that I can count how many friends I have on my hands. Trust is a big thing for me. I rather associate myself with people who care and love for who I am.

    However, I have to acknowledge that some people do feel unsure or nervous around deaf people because they don't know how to communicate. I've experienced people feeling unsure how to approach me. and decide to leave it. I can make effort but if they don't do the same in kind then it is not worth it.

    I think it is great you do deaf awareness talks. You're using your voice to raise awareness for other deaf people. I think it is brilliant that you're doing this. It is something I would love to do, but how do I get around it? I doubt my university would be interested. I'm the only deaf person in my year. I do stand out because of my small team of interpreters and a note taker! Haha. But I'm proud of my deafness so it doesn't bother me that I am seen as 'different'. I try to see it in a positive way. Like for one: I can speak two languages which are English and BSL. How amazing is that?! I have access between both worlds, albeit I'm wary of the deaf community because of negative vibes. SO I am an outsider which perfectly suits me. Actually I only dip my foot in the deaf world when my best friend wants go to deaf events (like GBG- heard of it?). It is great to meet new faces, but I dislike it because people can judge very quickly. It is a small community with many negative downsides. That's why I prefer to stay away from the chaos.

    Sorry that this is long. I just rambled on! Have a good day.

    1. Thank you for you lovely comment! I can honestly relate so much and completely understand where you are coming from! It made me feel less alone reading your comment because I know I'm not the only person experiencing this. I stand out a lot too as I have a notetaker and people tend to avoid me and sit away from me in class as I 'cramp their style' or my notetaker at least! They just want a good old gossip, just without me there. Unfortunately they refuse to change to let me in their group, so I've given up with them. I don't really talk to anyone in my class anymore. I've drifted so much from people. I just say hellos and smile. I might be working in a group (rarely) and talk about what the teacher told us to discuss... Apart from that, it's pretty lonely!
      I've never heard of GBG? What is it?
      You should definitely consider doing a deaf talk at your Uni! I think you should email a member of support staff and tell them how this talk will benefit the staff as they will be educated. Emphasise how it will be useful for them in order to make their lectures inclusive! If there are any areas that you feel they should improve on, you should tell them that the talk can help them to develop their knowledge and skills! :-) xxx