It took me back to my school years when I was 17. At that age I hid my hearing aids and always had my hair down everyday for school. I wanted to be liked and accepted and have lots of friends. Of course I did have lots of friends. It was a good feeling! Although, I didn't feel like I was being myself as I was hiding a vital part of me from all of my lovely friends.
It wasn't until a few years later I finally decided enough was enough and I needed to be open and be proud about my hearing. I did this, and you know what? As a result, I don't have many friends as what I used to. In fact, I could count my friends on one hand! Yep! It's that bad!
I used to have lots of friends in school and since going our separate ways and being more open with my deafness and my passionate campaigning, I must admit, it has had a massive impact on my relationship with others. As a result, people have backed away from me. Uni is a good example. I walked in the first day with my hair up and proudly told everyone I was deaf or instead joked "I'm a bit rubbish at hearing so you'll have to bear with me!", in hope that it would make them more comfortable if I lightened the mood. But no. To this day I can say I'm not part of any friendship group because you know what? They rejected me.
There was me thinking that Uni was a start to make new friends and be myself?!
Yes, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is also my best friend. He has lots of close friends and is a popular person. I envy him, but I'm not surprised as he's a lovely person with a great personality.
I wanted to blog this with complete honesty. I'm here to raise awareness of the realities of living with a hearing loss, including the harsh realities. Here it is. Lately I have been feeling a bit lonely. Maybe I'm just going through a blip?
I know myself I have a lot to offer in a friendship. I'm not boring, I love to have a joke around, I'm caring, loyal, trustworthy. I love making people laugh and hate seeing people sad. People don't realise, there is more to me than this "girl with no personality". I've been rejected most of my life and it's stooped an all time low.
I've been asking myself lately, am I not good enough for anyone? Am I not worthy enough? Am I really a second class citizen the way I am treated, not an adequate enough human to live a normal human life?
2016 I would like to make some new friends who accept me for me. Where do I start? That's the question....